"Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Words kill, Words give life; they're either poison or fruit- you choose" Proverbs 18:20-21 (MSG)

​Second semester of my junior year in college I sat down in one of my youth ministry classes probably looking pretty frazzled to say the least, I had just gone through a big break up the semester before and I was taking like 26 hours of classes trying to finish up as fast as I could to graduate. I remember not feeling very confident in myself at the time, in my looks or even in my being there, I thought for sure that my ex was going to propose, it was afteralll a ring by spring school, spring had passed and instead of a ring I got a breakup phone call. I was not having the "time of my life" that college life had promised. I sat there uncomfortably in my seat waiting for class to start, surrounded by people that seemed to have it all together, one of whom was a girl named Becca. She was beautiful and funny and was dating a really cute guy, she always looked like she stepped straight out of Banana Republic, always put together and she had the most awesome southern accent. She's probably reading this now like "what?!?!" And she might not even remember this moment that meant so much to me that I'm blogging about it 14 years later, but Becca leaned over to me and said "you know Vanessa, I've always thought you were so pretty." A compliment which to some may seem so small but at that moment it meant the world to me. Here I was heartbroken from a guy that by most peoples standards was not the most attractive person, and even he had rejected me. My well meaning roommate, in hopes to cheer me up, told me that she asked her boyfriend if I was pretty... "she couldn't tell because she liked me as a person and that clouded her objective judgement" I wish I could insert the face I made right here. A good guy friend of mine who will remain nameless because we are still good friends told me that I was probably going to be like his aunt and " get really hot after I get old and married"..what? Guys to say the least I was not feeling very good about myself, but here this girl who was basically a stranger thought I was pretty. And something weird happened, I started to feel prettier. Her words changed my thoughts. and I never forgot it.

The King James Version of that verse up top says "Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, and those that love it will eat of its fruit" You see we each have one of the most powerful weapons to wound people or to heal people. Your words have the power to change thoughts. I'm sure all of us can think of a time when we were wounded by others words, or a time when a word slipped out of your mouth that you would do anything to take back. This scripture has become even more powerful to me now that I'm a mom. The words that I speak to and about my children have the power to grow them or harm them, I have the power to speak LIFE into their life, into their dreams, into their abilities, into their confidence, into their worth. Guys that's a powerful tool for a mom to have. And not just for my kids but for my husband too, to be able to speak things that build him up, build his confidence, words that inspire him to be the man that God created him to be. Wives! We have that ability with our words! And how often do we just squander our words, how often do we just speak just to be heard but not to build. I was talking to a friend the other day who is newly married and we were discussing how its so easy in the moment to say things in an argument not that we mean, but to get a reaction from our husbands, We have to make a choice to be more intentional with our words because they are so powerful.

Lately I have been having some big life changes going on, I made a decision for myself and for my family that I was going to be healthier. We have been eating clean and I have started working out everyday, but all of that started with a declaration. I said it with my mouth first and then I started to believe it in my mind, the last step was the action of doing it, and everyday since I have made a declaration "I'm going to work out today" "I'm going to make healthy choices" "I can do hard things" and as I spoke these things my thoughts started to change, and after my thoughts changed, my actions followed. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Now I'm going to add another level on to this. The Bible describes the word of God like a seed. Now a seed doesn't look like much but it has amazing potential. A seed planted can eventually become a mighty tree. Now we know that our words alone can change our thoughts and bring life but if we change our words, the ones we are speaking over our kids, spouse, ourselves and replace it with scripture, with Gods word, what amazing potential do the things we speak have? The scripture not only can change our mind currently but can take root and grow, it can permanently take hold. Colossians 2: 7-8 says
7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. 8 Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.

What if we started to think about ourselves the way God thinks about us, what if we were able to approach every situation with the encouragement and knowledge that scripture lends. That doubt and fear were no longer our initial reaction, What if our roots were so deep in truth that it just overflows out of us into action. What if we could change who we are by speaking scripture over our lives. Romans 12:2 says to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" and we can begin to renew our mind with scripture, God's words spoken to us. Let Gods words begin to change your mind today, and as your mind changes your actions will follow.

It's funny how life has a way of making things full circle, or better yet how God weaves things together so perfectly in our lives. The girl that I started this blog with, Becca, well her and her sweet accent have come back into my life for round two of speaking life over me and changing my mind, She is now my Beachbody coach and she has once again encouraged me to see myself like God sees me, she's an encourager, she's a truth speaker, and a life giver.. Be a Becca for someone today, be a person that speaks life over yourself and others.. Guys its life changing!

love you all

-V

Ava I am writing this post for you so you will always know that You are a Miracle. That from the beginning God has used your life for His glory, your life is proof of a miracle working God. I can only imagine the great plans the Lord has for you and the great things you will do. Like the start of a great novel your story began and I know God is writing a story that I cant wait to read. Each day another page is turned and I am so thankful for the new discoveries of you, of your personality, your sweetness, your strong will, your heart.

I love you and here is your chapter one..
​
Chapter 1 Delivery
​The Friday before you were born I was at home with your brother, you weren't due for another week. My heart started racing, which was something I had experienced a lot in pregnancy but normally it would stop after a minute, well my heart was beating over 200 bpm for over an hour and I felt exhausted, I called the doctor she said to go in immediately to the hospital, your dad rushed home and we rushed to the hospital. When we get there the elevators were broken and they suggested we use the stairs, that was not happening, luckily a doctor saw my distress and took me on a private elevator up to Labor and delivery. They got me in bed and hooked me up to the monitor and the first words  out of the doctors mouth could've come from a sailor... She had never seen anyone with a heart rate of 215. About ten minutes hooked to the monitor and just as suddenly as the racing had started my heart rate dropped to 52 cuing more sailor talk from the doctor. By that time the cardiology team was in the room and the discussion began about induction, they wanted to get you out because they feared another episode like that would happen and the only answer would be the "all clear" shock pads to try and put my heart into normal beat pattern... that did not sound appealing to your dad or me so we agreed to induce you.. they started drugs on Friday night but nothing happened, all day Saturday I had Pitocin induced contractions but by 8 pm I still had no progress.. I was 0, 0, 0. not dilated, not short, not soft, not effaced.. But  I was exhausted, hungry and irritable, and your poor dad hadn't slept in about 40 hours.. the on call doctor suggested we stop everything and let me get up, shower, eat dinner and sleep.. I loved her immediately. Your Gigi came up and spent the night with me that night so your dad could go home pack himself a bag and sleep and he was going to come back first thing in the morning. The night went just as planned and they even gave me some drugs to help me sleep well. Sunday Morning I woke up refreshed and with a plan, we were going to get you out. I Facebooked my friend Krystil who helped deliver your brother, she is my good friends Troy and Amy Willis' sisters sister... anyway I asked her if she was working and if she would try and get me on her rotation.. Everything was working out and my plan had begun... God was laughing.. The nurse checked me at 8 am before Krystil took over I was still 0,0,0.  As soon as Krystil came in I told her my plan.. Step 1 was epidural I knew that I didn't want another day of contractions and Step 2 was Foley balloon.. after the epidural I thought they could just stretch everything that needed to be stretched so that you could come out already...well Krystil calls for the epidural and all of a sudden I'm having contractions, back to back really hard contractions. The Anesthesiologist comes in about 830 to give me the epidural.. my contractions were so bad I could barely sit still enough. These contractions were not part of my plan, the epidural was in but only working on one side, after pressing "the button" multiple times I was finally feeling some relief.  About that time your dad walks in and I tell Krystil part 2 of my plan...it was about 850 am. Krystil agrees but I tell her I feel something between my legs,  she comes over with the Foley balloon and says "open your legs" and just as quickly she shouts "Close your legs"  I say "what??" she slams my knees together and shouts again "close your legs." Krystil runs into the hallway to shout for a doctor. In runs the doctor and in one swoop has her delivery garb on and a face mask.  I was laughing so much they put an oxygen mask on me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Ava Jewel you were already bulging out in the sac with every contraction.. The doctor broke the sac and there you were beautiful and red and screaming... It was 9:01 am Sunday, March 30th. We can make plans but God had His own plan.. and it was better than anything I could've hoped for. Gigi and your dad were in the room when you were born and your next visitor was my dad, PopPop. his story is chapter two of yours.

​Chapter 2 PopPop
​I'll never forget the first time PopPop saw you... you were just a few minutes old and we were still having our skin to skin time.. he wiped away tears with his bandana at the sight of beautiful you, then he leaned and gave me a kiss on the forehead as he walked by our bed. He was so proud. A few hours later he got to hold you for the first time, he always looked so nervous holding a newborn. I don't know what all he whispered to you in those moments.. had I known the future I would have recorded everything... He had just gotten out of the hospital himself the Friday before. He had been struggling with complications with liver disease.. he was on the liver transplant list and had been waiting for 7 years, the problem was that PopPop was a lot more sick than he acted and looked, he was really tough. He came to visit you a couple more times before we went home from the hospital. We came home with you on Wednesday and on Friday PopPop cooked us a roast and brought it over, the picture of him holding you on the couch was that day.. that's the only picture I have of you two. ​

  On Sunday, Gigi called and PopPop was having trouble breathing and they were taken to a hospital by ambulance. Your dad and I loaded you up and rushed to the hospital. You stayed in the car as we took turns going in and seeing PopPop. He wasn't doing well, he was on a ventilator and I was scared but PopPop had been in the hospital so many times, and I assumed just like very other time he would stabilize and come home. I was wrong PopPop didn't come home.. He died on Monday April 7th. You were one week old. At the beginning of the week I got to see you enter this world and draw your first breath in such a sudden commotion and at the end of the week I saw my dad draw his last breath and pass over into eternity. I was devastated and I was in disbelief. This wave of grief and emotions overtook me and I could barely stand up, you see Ava I always believed your PopPop would get a liver transplant. I never doubted that he'd live, that he'd be there. But there I was in a hospital room and he was gone. Grief to me feels like drowning.. there's panic, and an inability to breathe, to think, there is no strength or direction just waling hoping to be rescued, for this to not be happening and all the while you're still expected to function like a normal person, to walk, to talk, to eat, to make plans.. its so unreal. But there you were, one week old, so little and you needed me, but sweet girl what a blessing you were to me then, just when I couldn't take anymore of the grief you'd need to be fed or changed and for a moment I had respite. I could breathe, I could sit, I could just be with you and look at the goodness of God and know that He was still good. I think its impossible to hold a newborn and not feel joy or sweetness or peace and you sweet girl were all of those things for me during the darkest hours of my life, and I am so thankful for you and your life and rescuing me from the depths of my grief.. you brought light and life to the darkness I was walking through, God used your little life to teach me so many things during that time and that was just the beginning..

​Chapter 3 The Fever
​On Thursday May 1st, I noticed that you were feeling a little warm, but I am the type that thinks babies always need socks on and to be fully dressed and swaddled so I chalked it up to me over dressing you... I took off some layers and waited for your temperature to go down but it only got higher, by 8 pm you had 102 and I  called the doctor, he said to monitor you, give you Tylenol and to come in in the morning. Through the night even on Tylenol you maintained the temperature and at 730 am we were at Dr. Kagans office when it opened. He looked at you and couldn't find any reason for your fever so he sent me straight to Texas Children's. I was worried sick, I held you as they took blood samples and started an IV and called your dad to come when they started talk about doing a spinal tap.. I couldn't handle it, you were 4 weeks old,  too little for all of this. Your Dad came and handled the hard part and held my hand through the slew of doctors and their opinions and the test results that all came back negative.. your fever was a mystery so the decided to admit us. They took us up to the most sterile little room in the NICU and closed us off, there was a list of rules, no phones, no food, no drinks without lids, there were machines beeping and metal beds and one chair for a parent to sit in, your dad and I took turns. I was miserable and mad, I didn't want to be there, I didn't want you to be there I just wanted an answer for your fever some medicine and to go home..  after 3 days of little food and no sleep you had been fever free for 36 hours and nothing had grown from your spinal tap or blood work so they  chalked your mystery fever up to a virus and let us go home.. I was so glad, I had a busy week planned. Your brothers birthday party was that Saturday and I still had a whole lot to do, you were feeling better and I felt like the whole hospital trip was a waste of time and needless poking of you. Saturday came and we had a great party, your brother turned 2 and you came dressed in the cutest party onesie with matching rainbow leggings, I was leery to have you around so many kids with all their "viruses" so I put Gigi on Ava watch and you stayed in your stroller for the majority of the night covered up away from the crowd. Gigi made sure no one touched you or got to close when looking at you.  Towards the end of the party you were getting fussy so I took you out to feed you and I immediately knew you had a fever again. I tried not to panic I took your leg warmers off and fanned you.. Surely you just got too hot covered up in the stroller... when we got home I took your temp 101.2. I started crying and your dad tried to comfort me, I didn't want to take you in again, put you through that all for nothing. You slept in a diaper that night and in an hour temp was down to 98.3 and I was so relieved. All night your temp stayed down and I thought you just got overheated. I immediately removed the minky carseat cover and cursed it for giving you a temperature. The next day was Mother's Day and we were going to meet your Grammy and Paw Paw and Jill for mothers day lunch. I got you dressed in the sweetest floral dress made sure it was extra cool and we headed to lunch. when we got to the restaurant your dad said you felt hot, I whipped out the thermometer 98.7, all good. no need to panic. We finished our meal and headed over to Gigi's house to celebrate Mothers Day with her. when we get to Gigi's I take you out of the carseat and you are on fire... you are so hot it was hard to hold you. we immediately strip you down and I take your temperature. I was terrified as I saw the numbers rise and rise and rise and then I was hysterical... 104.3 I frantically call the doctor as I am shaking trying to measure out Tylenol, Gigi is praying and your Dad is packing up for a trip to the ER. Straight to Texas Childrens again. They decided to do blood work and not a spinal tap since you had just had one the week before. At around midnight they tell us that they think its just the virus lingering, that to bring down the temp to alternate Tylenol and Advil every 3 hours and they sent us home.

​There are very few things as upsetting as knowing something is really wrong with your child but no one acting like it. That night we brought you home, but you were not alright. You screamed all night and despite my best efforts to comfort you my touch seemed to cause you pain. Your fever never went down the lowest it got was 103.7. I knew in my heart something was really wrong. At 6 am I told your Dad to call the doctor and tell him we were going back to the hospital but as he went to pick up the phone, Dr. Kagan was calling us. "Something has shown up in the blood work, head immediately to the hospital" and like a flash we were gone, my mind was racing with all of my non medical knowledge.. what could it be cancer? leukemia? what is in blood? what would show up?
​We get to the hospital and are immediately taken to a quarantined area and I am in full panic. the nurse comes in and tells us they are going to do another spinal tap. The first one you had, your dad said the spinal liquid that came out was crystal clear, your dad was with you again for this one, I didn't think I could handle it, this time when I saw his face when I came back in the room I knew it was different, he said your fluid was cloudy and gray, his eyes full of tears. neither of us knew what that meant yet but we knew it couldn't be good. A nurse came in to comfort us and said the doctor would be in shortly with the results and asked if she could pray for us. She told us she was a Christian but understood if we didn't want her to, I told her we were Christians also and thanked her. after what seemed like an eternity the doctor came in, she seemed very scared to tell us what she was going to say, she struggled for words and to steady her voice I grabbed the bed I was sitting on trying to brace myself for the bad news I knew was coming. You my sweet girl were in my other arm as I held on tightly and kissed your forehead.

Chapter 4 The Diagnosis
​"Your Daughter has Bacterial Meningitis" Her words came out and my heart stopped. I looked at your dad who was sitting in a chair beside the bed he looked like he just had the wind knocked out of him.
​"What does that mean? Is she going to die? what does that mean?" I cried. The doctor said she was going to get the information for us and left the room. I looked at your dad but I could hardly see because of the tears. I tried to breathe. the doctor came back with a list of statistics..
​D- "60% of children diagnosed never leave the hospital"
​Me- "they don't leave because they die?!!?"
​D-head nod yes unable to say the words
​Me- "SO she has a 40% chance to live?"
​D- "well of those 40% ,85% are deaf, dumb, blind can't walk talk or function"
​Me- " So she has a 15% chance of being ok??"
D- " This study is done in children up to age 12, that's not accurate for a 6 week old, not for a 6 week old."
​Me- " So she's going to die????"
​D- "Is there a clergy or someone I can call for you"
​Sobbing I told her that Pastor Greg worked across the street at Baylor and if she could please call him.. I used the phone in the room to call Gigi, and your Dad called Paw Paw and Grammy. And I began to sob loudly. I was completely broken. 5 weeks to the day before I had been in a hospital room very similar and lost my dad and now I was told I was going to lose you. I was uncontrollable and for the first time in my life I told God NO! NO that he could not take you. No that I couldn't do this. No that I had just lost my dad, No that I could not do this. No! No! and not in a begging way but in a stern I should've been struck down way. Thank God He has grace for us. 
Pretty quickly a team dressed in full masks came and got us and escorted us up to the PICU, where we were once again in full isolation. and I sat there in the chair as they hooked you up to every machine and I cried.  A man came in and introduced himself as your nurse for this shift and he asked me why I was crying. I said well they just told me my daughter is going to die so.. in the rudest voice I could muster  and then he stood there looking at me and his next words changed my life .. and Yours... he walked over to a small widow that was separating ours from another room and began to open the blinds, he said  "Come here and look at this child, do you see this child? this child might die, they aren't breathing on their own, they aren't eating, that's all machines.. Now look at your child she is awake, she breathing, she's nursing, she's crying, she's fighting and guess what Mama you need to start fighting too, Your child is not going to die, she is going to fight" and at that moment I had it.. I had what I had lost downstairs, I had back what was taken from me in my dads hospital room, I had back what I needed to fight and that was Hope. Hope that you could and would recover.
The next weeks were full of countless needles, spinal taps, MRI's and Doctors. We moved from the PICU downgraded to the NICU then downgraded to a regular room. All the while you fought and I never left you and God never left us. His presence was evident and his work was undeniable. Turns out our next door neighbor, Mr. Mejia, well he is actually a teaching Doctor at Baylor.. I didn't know what that meant until I saw the other doctors faces when they saw him in my room.. Apparently its kind of a big deal!! And I was so thankful. He literally went around the NICU telling everyone that we were VIPs and to be treated as such... and he was able to come check up on you and read your charts and explain everything to dad and I in a way we could understand. I know that God placed him in our lives, He is someone who I will always feel indebted to for his kindness to us during that time... oh and he also brought me the biggest piece of chocolate cake I have ever seen while we were in the hospital.. its the little things you know.
​Then there was Dr. Song who took a special interest in you, he came in even when he wasn't on shift to check on you, he bought you nail clippers because you scratched your face, and volunteered to sit with you while I went to get a coke, on his time not the hospitals.. he was so sincere in listening to my concerns and so thoughtful. I know that his steps were ordained and that God put him in your path sweet girl. You know your books The Giving Tree and Peter Rabbit well he gave those to you on your first birthday. He will always hold a special place in my heart.
​Your nurses that brought me Dr. Peppers and Twix
Your Aunt Jill who would come on her lunch breaks and bring me food and tea
​Your Pastor Greg who would come and pray and bring comic relief
​Our church family who prayed endlessly for you
​The Ronald McDonald House where I could shower and eat
​Our friends that brought food and kindles to the hospital
​Your Grammy who was watching your brother for a month long
​Your Gigi who would come sit with me and bring me peace
​And your sweet sweet daddy who would work hard all day and then spend his evenings with us at the hospital, I don't know how he did it all, I know he had very little sleep during those weeks and no home cooked food.. But he was so strong for us and I saw God working in him, growing his faith.

​I saw God in all of it...in every kind gesture, in every smile, in every doctor meeting, He was there writing the beautiful story of your testimony... The beginning of your book.

​The day before my birthday after a month of treatment we brought you back home. Whole. healed. a miracle. Sweet girl you are a miracle, and I will always remind you of that. God has used you from the beginning to bring Him glory and I know He will continue to do that if you let Him..

love you,
​Mom

The first time I got into a hot tub with my husband I was 17, he was 16 and it was prom night 1999.  I know what you are thinking but there were no brown chickens or brown cows. In fact that night sitting on the swing in his parents backyard, Guy told me that he wouldn't sleep with me ( not that I was asking for it but I guess prom night prompted the conversation ) because he didn't want to have sex until he was married. (high five Momma Jane). We did however have a lot of fun that night....

Maybe I should start with why I was able to spend the night with my boyfriend on prom night in the first place.  Back up to the week before I started  high school I was 14 and my parents sat me down to talk about High School. They explained that they were proud of the young lady I was becoming and talked to me about trust and how I had been earning their trust with being honest and open with them and that they hoped that would continue but that no matter what happened I could always come to them.. NO MATTER WHAT. Its capital because that was my parents favorite phrase. "You need to call us when you get there NO MATTER WHAT" "You need to do the right thing NO MATTER WHAT everyone else is doing" "You need to be home by 9 NO MATTER WHAT" "Answer your pager when we page you NO MATTER WHAT"  I literally heard it every time I left the house along with giving me a quarter to call home... you guessed it "NO MATTER WHAT" and at the end of our pre-high school talk they handed me a hand made certificate.. It had been laminated with clear tape and decorated to look like money and on it was written "one override." My parents in what now can only be described as a parenting act of genius gave me one override to their rules. Just one time in my high school career could I say Override and do what I wanted instead of following their rules.. WHAT? I knew I wanted to keep this for something good!  During the next four years of high school there were a lot of times when I didn't agree with my parents decision, parties I wasn't allowed to attend, outfits overruled, curfews that were ridiculous, phone curfews even... I had to get off the phone by 9 pm!! So many times I remember being so upset,  it was "SOO UNFAIR!" I would shout as I stomped up to my room.. and my dad would say well you could use your override... and suddenly  I was in control, the ball was in my court, and I had to decide if that "party" was really worth it. Well to my parents horror I saved that certificate all the way to prom night, and I proudly displayed that worn certificate as I told them I would be spending the night with Guy on prom night along with about 10 other people, that his parents would be home, that there would be no alcohol, and we would be safe at his house all night. After confirming that Guy's parents were also ok with this, my parents honored that certificate. That's how I ended up in a hot tub on prom night with my boyfriend.

That first hot tub is in my now-in-laws backyard and that night in 1999 I had about  1238 bobby pins in my hair  and Guy who was sitting on the side of the Hot tub offered to help me take them out. Now I was already in the hot tub and he was sitting behind me up on the ledge like a monkey picking off termites. So romantic right? After the back was pin free I turned around for Guy to get the ones out of the top front...and about that time Momma Jane (Mrs. Jane then), being the awesome hostess that she is, comes outside to offer us some refreshments. I can only imagine what she thought was going on as she came up behind Guy... and I remember the relief on her face when she realized that nothing was going on. I can laugh now,  but that night I was about fifty shades of purple when I realized what we looked like. ( I could insert a message about appearances to outsiders and why we need to be above reproach but alas its not where I'm going in this blog)  and that's how Guy and I's first hot tub experience went.

Now fast forward about 17 years and Guy and I have our own Hot tub in our backyard and we have grown very fond of it. Almost every night, after the kids have gone to sleep, we try to sneak in. We use that time to talk about our day : kid free, phone free, work free, TV free. It is like getting into our "time" machine and its just us once again. I treasure that time with him, time to reconnect and really talk, and plan and dream, time to be Guy and Vanessa.    I encourage all of you married people to find a time to do the same, yours may not be a hot tub, it could be a porch or a couch but make it a priority to set time aside everyday for your spouse NO MATTER WHAT.  "Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation"
– Oscar Wilde
There has been a lot of talk lately on the sanctity of marriage, the value placed on marriage. but do you and your spouse take time to really value it? to make it sacred? How do you and your spouse find time to reconnect? comment about it!

love you all

V

p.s.   I've never actually seen the movie hot tub time machine although it does pop up on my on demand menu a lot.. but it doesn't look like my kind of movie.

p.p.s   If you are thinking of stealing my parents genius parenting hack, think twice, although it worked with me I think my brother  received and used his certificate in the same week... right Mike? But he was always ahead of the game!

Hello again friends, its been a while since my last post, I was out cruising the Caribbean. It sounds all glamorous and such and I am sure my delicately chosen Facebook picture uploads will make it appear that way, but I can truthfully tell you it was anything but glamorous.  So it turns out I don't like cruising and I don't think cruising likes me or my kids either.  The crazy thing is this wasn't my first cruise, I went once before with 7 of my best friends and I had the best time ever. This  cruise was exactly like that one (minus the Elvis impersonators) and everything was just as I had remembered it. The difference was me. I am not the same person I was 8 years ago. I have changed. The things that were so fun to me as a single girl are now despised.. first the Sun. As a 26yr old I loved a good tan, I mean it was not uncharacteristic of me to spend all day at the pool, I loved the heat, I loved the burn, I loved the tan lines. Now.. the sun is like a predator waiting to devour my poor fair skinned children.  Avoid at all costs, we need hats, sunglasses, full bodied long sleeve bathing suits and tons upon tons of  babyganic sunscreen with 80 minute wear time. And once everyone is all lotioned up, suits on, glasses found for the umpteenth time, not the blue ones the ninja turtle ones, hats put on and thrown, put on and thrown, put on and thrown, hats stuffed in beach bag, beach bag packed with Sippy cups, swim diapers,10 different  sunscreens for faces, bodies, wet bodies, tear free, organic and of course aerosol for the times when no other mom is looking, the 80 minute wear time has indeed expired and its time to start again. Next on my list is people, I love people I am an extrovert in its truest form. As a 26 year old I craved crowds, I was thrilled at the possibility of meeting new people, funny people, weird people, cute boys of course.. Our last cruise that thought was so exciting, that is until we boarded and realized that we had been booked on an Elvis impersonators convention cruise, nothing but Elvis and Priscilla everywhere we looked... we now understood how we got 7 days for 250 bucks.  But it didn't matter we were going to have fun. This time boarding and seeing all the people made me feel nauseous. Every cough and sneeze around me seemed like a bomb trying to take out my family ,purell purell purell!! Then we get on the boat and the pool is literally the size of the rug in my living room and its stuffed with people. It is so full that some can only fit in a foot but by all means their foot is getting in.. all I could think was cesspool of bacteria. We avoided it like the plague, not that my diaper wearing kids would've been allowed in anyway. That turned out to be a win win for me. "Sorry Guy there are no diapers allowed in the pool so you have to be a big boy and go on the potty" I was never so glad guy was still in diapers, but more on the struggles of potty training in a different post.  Up next... Cruise food, kind of like Disney food everyone talks about how good it is but seriously where are you people eating? this is not good food. Its Golden Corral good at its best and those of you that know me know that is not a compliment. I hate Golden Corral. Fake food that has been pre touched by hundreds before consumption is not my idea of a good meal. At 26 pizza open 24/7 was a dream, now not so much. Our dining room reservation was for 815 .Eight- Fif -teen -Pee -Emm for a 3 year old and 1 year old, you can imagine the tired chaos that ensued, and then add two strangers to our tantrum table and it just made for a whole carnival of fun. (see what I did there?) needless to say we never made it to the chocolate molten cake, not even once.. sorry Chels. On the last cruise 815 was early, it was prime time, it was the beginning, this time I was begging for bed. This cruise made me hungry, tired, and disgusted most of the time. the last cruise I was refreshed, relaxed and full of cake. and the only difference is me. Me, I was the changing factor, and what has changed so much about me?

I became a mom.

As a mom its instinct to protect my kids, its engrained into the very core of who I am now. As a mom I have to consider the harmful consequences of sun, cesspools, and sugar. Being a mom changed my whole perspective and changed my entire experience. The thought of my little Ava having a sunburn. I just can't. Guy swallowing (cess)pool water...umm no thanks.

Nothing has changed my perspective as much as motherhood. One of the areas that has changed so much now that I am a  mom is my view of God as the Father. and who He is. At 26, He was the rule giver and I listened not always understanding the why behind the rule, but understanding His authority to make the rules. But now as a mother, and a rule maker for my kids I have a new perspective. Guy doesn't understand why he can't swim in a cesspool and frankly he doesn't have to understand it, I said no and that's it. But you all know that I said no because I love him, I don't want any harm to come to him. I want more than anything to protect him, keep him safe and healthy because I love him. And as a mom my eyes are opened to the love of God for his children, and to the Why behind His "rules". 

We often have blinders on to the consequences of breaking God's law. We seek pleasure and  fun with no regard to future repercussions. Spiritually people are acting like 26 yr old cruising Vanessa, sunning with no fear of burn, swimming without seeing the filth, eating chocolate as if it has no calories. We need to change our perspective about the things that the World calls good but God does not. Don't you see that its because he loves you? Start to see sin for sin and call it like it is. We need to stop masquerading in this so called paradise and see the filth that we are allowing ourselves to wade in. Change perspectives.

Both of my kids,  despite my crazy purell obsession,  still somehow contracted a nasty virus on this cruise. Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. It's terrible, Guy is covered head to toe in blistering bumps, I'll spare you the pics, but I have them if you want to see. And them being sick is not because they didn't listen or because they disobeyed, its because it was a dirty ship. In the same way so many people are quick to blame The Father when bad things happen or blame themselves for past mistakes and the truth is we are all on a dirty ship. We live in a sinful world bad things are going to happen. I felt the need to add this in because every time you bring up God and his perfect protecting rules someone is quick to comment on  how a "perfect Christian" that they knew wasn't protected from such and such, and why would a "good God" let that  happen. My answer... He didn't.  It was a result of  the dirty ship. The moment that sin entered  into this world it had repercussions. "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."-Jesus in John 16:33

I hope you all have a better vacation this summer than I did. Either way remember perspective changes things.

love,
V

Ok so I figured with this being my first blog and all we should discuss something very important to me. A Box. A sacred box. The contents of this box determine the grounds of relationships, the meeting of minds, the common ground that defines family, friend and foe. This box is impenetrable, unshakeable, unmovable, its sturdy enough to stand on, for my whole family to stand on. This box is very old, ancient even,  but it will last forever. The box's contents are precious to me and I am very protective over them. I rarely get offended, but when I do its when someone disregards the value of what is in my box. 

"What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOX???"

No more suspense, in the box are my core beliefs. I am a Christian, but unfortunately that is no longer enough of a description of what I believe.  Many people also claim to be Christians however our beliefs are not at all the same. I consider my box a meeting ground to determine what we have in common and where we are different. But these core beliefs are non negotiable, they are truth, they cant be swayed or changed by time, culture, or relevance. I believe that if you also believe what is in the box and practice it then I consider you part of my faith family, a Christ follower, a Christian.  

Now there are a lot of different things Christians believe that give us diversity, some Christians believe in the trinity, some don't, some believe in prophesy, some don't, some believe in speaking in tongues, some don't, some believe in eternal security, some don't. I could be here all day listing the different views of Christians but I believe all of these things are outside of the box. I believe these things are debatable, not that I don't already have my mind made up on most of these I still enjoy the discussion. Of these things we can disagree extremely and  I can still call you family.

Its important to include this in my first post because these truths guide who I am, what I do  and what I write about. If after reading this list you see that you don't share the same beliefs, don't worry we can still be friends but I'd like to talk to you about what and why you disagree. You see my ultimate goal in life is to compel others towards Christ never away from Him.  

My Box
1. The Bible is God's word.
 Every word is God Breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. 2Timothy 3:16
2. There is only One God.
God has revealed himself to us through His word and through Nature. He is the creator and sustainer of all life, Creator of the universe. 
3. God created Man.
God created man in his own image, and wants a relationship with mankind.
4. Sin Separates  Man and God.
Sin is disobedience and God is completely Holy (pure) and the two can't overlap.
5. Jesus
Jesus is God's son who was sent to the world to save it from sin not condemn it. He was born of a virgin. He was fully God and Fully man. He lived a sinless life . He died a gruesome death on the cross. His blood was poured out as a ransom for Mankind. He sacrificed himself to restore the relationship between God and Man. He was buried in a borrowed tomb. Three days after his death He rose again and walked the earth for 40 days. He defeated Death. He ascended to heaven to prepare a place for us. He is coming back again to rule the World. He is the only way to God.
6. Becoming a Christian is simple.
Realize Jesus is the only way to restore your relationship with God. Ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins, Ask Him to be in charge of you life, Let Him Be in Charge.
7.Heaven and Hell are Real Places
Everyone will end up at one of them after you die.
8. Each Christian has a job to do.
 Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

That's it.. That's all that is in my box 
I hope that after reading this you found out that we are family after all, even if I'm that weird cousin you avoid at reunions. If you read this but disagree on some points let me know, Friends I would love to talk, I want nothing more than to have more understanding not more dissension. I am also curious as to what is in your box? what are your core beliefs?

 This blog wont always be about faith but whether I am talking about potty training or politics this is the root of the root, the bud of the bud. this is the start.

love you all.

-V